Bride on: ‘Both partners actually have a say in the whole thing’

For all the brides who have been planning their big day since playing weddings with Barbie and Ken dolls, or indeed Barbie and Barbie or Ken and Ken, I salute you. For the rest of you, who hadn’t given a thought to how, when, where, why and who to marry, I’m there with you.

In either of these scenarios a little part of the planning often gets forgotten – both partners actually have a say in the whole thing.

In heterosexual marriages, it's a stereotype that Mad Men would be proud of: the wife-to-be drowning in decisions about hydrangeas and ranunculus table displays, while the husband-to-be smokes cigars, chugs celebratory whiskey and claps his groomsmen on the back. Repeatedly. For the whole year of planning.

But let me remind you, in such marriages, menfolk care. Of course they do. Perhaps their priorities around planning don’t necessarily fit with yours – some women may have to negotiate down from the 5,000 decorative fairy lights they want adorning the marquee – but my husband-to-be is just as interested in planning a wedding that fits in with his interests, aesthetics and, dare I say it, wedding dreams. Although many won’t be admitting this at their weekly five-a-side match.

Relaxed vibe

So now that we’ve established this won’t be a one-personplanning team, what’s next? You’ve already settled the budget (if not, catch up on last week’s column “The Talk”) and picked a loose date or season in which you want to be married.

Now what do you want it to feel like? We’ve got; princess, boho, hipster, manor house, festival feels, hotel, abroad, party, traditional, minimal and one-day, two-day and three-day weddings. Phew, and that’s just naming a few.

Here’s how we chose. I’ve got a pretty huge family and we’ve a large friend group we want to share this day with. We want a relaxed vibe where perhaps we can stay the night before the wedding, and the night after the wedding. Music will be a big part of entertainment – my groom-to-be actually has a T-shirt that says “No Paddy, No Party” – so we want somewhere that we can shake our thang and not worry about music being turned off at midnight. So our venue needs to be able to cater for all the above – for us, a country manor house wedding is the clear winner.

I made that sound incredibly simple, but it wasn’t. It took a while, some disagreements and finally a decision between the two of us. And, listen, if all else fails in the planning department with your betrothed-to-be, don’t stress, you’ve got your parents, the bridal party, perhaps a wedding planner, and a whole host of online wedding guides such as onefabday.com and weddingsonline.ie. Stress be gone.

Next week: DIY (Don't Injure Yourself . . . or each other)